Thursday, 22 May 2014

And I cried for me

I don't want to be cynical, I feel it is lazy.

Today I had to face something I really wasn't prepared for.  A car in front hit a young Roe buck and he was paralysed behind.  They didn't stop neither did anyone else on the road.

They say you can judge a person on their compassion towards animals and children.

I pulled over in the middle of the main road in the vain hope I wouldn't be knocked down and checked the young lad who was very distressed and even more so now I was handling him.  With a broken back the dawning realisation struck me.

I was going to have to kill him.

Now I grew up in a little estate adoring all animals, from stick insects to blue whales and pretty much everything in between.  I cried when one of our many fish were ill and broke my heart over knocked over hedgehogs.

I never really got used to losing pets, stray animals and wildlife we picked up along the way.  Then I got a lurcher and I got used to rabbits being brought to me alive many I could release in the hope they would survive, the ones that were squeezed or damaged I learnt to kill as humanely as I could.   Working with Heavy horses brought me in to contact with shooting men and shooting men bring along with them pheasants, snipe and partridges which I learnt to gut and clean.  I helped out a local turkey farmer plucking at christmas in exchange for the help and support he gave me throughout the year.  Then there is the road traffic incidents where pheasants are hurt and not killed so dispatching became a little more, what is the word?  Easier?

Yet over time I have had less and less contact with such things and faced with a beautiful distressed deer what on earth was I going to do?  Phone Mr Gumps of course though in the back of my mind it was too far for him to travel so it was still down to me.


I kneeled next to the lad as quickly as I could I killed him( is there a nice way of putting that?).

Whilst I kneeled and watching him pass not one car/ lorry or passing person stopped and asked if I was ok kneeling and hunched over on a busy road in the pouring rain the spray from the puddled making us both struggle to catch our breath.

I cried.

I cried for him but mostly for me.  For me having to be the one who would put this poor beautiful young lad out of his pain and certain suffering then for the lack of any compassion from anyone else.

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