Friday, 29 March 2013

I never did win a pony

As a pony mad youngster who longed for a pony of my own, I used to look out of the window at school pretending my pony was waiting for me outside and in my mind I would jump on its back and gallop away from my physics lesson away from the teacher who's moles seemed to have a not so secret plan to take over the world.

I had progressed from the comics and moved onto read Horse and Pony Magazine every page would be read and reread, adverts ringed and numbered in order of preference but the most important time was when one of the horse magazines held a yearly competition.  The excitement and anticipation was intense as the prize was a horse or pony!  My brother and I would read the instructions, read the terms and conditions then we would desperately try and write that magical sentence in so many words as to why we should win a horse.

We worryworted over it, we faffed and we made sure our hand writing was the best it could be then off to the post office and then the dreadful wait would commence.  When would we hear?  Oooh what it would be like to actually have my own horse, what colour would it be only then could I decide what colour brushes and headcollar it would wear.  Paul and I would occasionally look at each other in anticipation when the post arrived, as it did then first thing in the morning....would this be the morning?  What if he won it and not me would he share and if I won would I have to share?!

Well I have had the same anticipation and the same feeling when I am the one not to receive an email, to hear the delighted messages of people succeeding where I have failed.

Only this time I had always avoided competitions, to enter a competition is to lay yourself  bare and your craft.  I have, until now, entered two competitions, one I was shortlisted one not.  Busying myself with getting down to the business in hand I shied away from public judging.  You can't lose if you don't race now can you?

What changed?  I have grown up and realised I can't grow without pushing myself, scaring myself witless is often the only way.

A plan formed, everything put in place then bit by bit my entry took form.  Soon it was time to enter and the forms were filled and that was it.  A long wait was next and I settled myself safe in the knowledge I knew little of what they looked for, knew nothing of the current trends and desires.  Yet it was there a tiny little glimmer of hope.

Normal life resumed and then I saw it.  A post that made my heart thump, my head spin and my face burn.  All her entries had been shortlisted.

So I checked my email.  Ten times.

I checked it again and then rechecked my spam box.

Then I realised how much I had wanted it.

I have lost nothing. But......

And I never did win that pony.

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe it!!! We know (& deep down you know) you're fabulously talented so don't let this knock your confidence!! You're a winner in our eyes xx