Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Smug Karma and when you are not wrong

I was slapped with the smug karma stick yesterday.

Whilst dropping off Bobby and Esther I saw Leah pull in with her beautiful boy Leo shortly behind them was a police car. I did think hehe uh oh what has she done?!

He got out and smiled at Leah who said hi back then I carried on doing what I was doing. Only to find out he was talking to me.

Now this account may not be true to the exact words as much of the time I was talking to the policeman( who was a very nice man apparently)I was envisioning all kinds of torture I could be inflicting on him.

It pretty much started off with him saying I was still on the phone, I had been on the phone when he had passed me at the lights at the garage the phone was in my right hand ( urm that was the steering wheel) that I had also been talking ( singing) and that I had also been turning round to talk to someone in the back...I don't think. So I was turning the corner with no hands as my right hand had the phone in it, indicating and changing gear with my left hand I may be a champion multi tasker but lets get real. Was I aware that it was an offence to have a handheld device in my hand. Yes I said I was aware but I wasn't holding the phone in my hand and indeed hadn't been on the phone.

He stared. Then he asked me if I was calling him a liar. No I am not I just KNOW you were mistaken, now I have this thing you need to know. I was a terrible liar as a kid, not terrible as in it was a dead give away when I lied, I lied ALL the time about stuff I didn't even need to lie about. I also used to pinch stuff then place it so my brother would be caught out. So now as an adult I am brutally honest, so when I get blamed for something I haven't done I don't back down...ever.

He was accusing me of something I hadn't done and his day was not getting any easier. So the argument continued with a long story of what I was actually doing. I lost a P!nk cd over two years ago and my mam had found it so needless to say I was playing that very same cd. At high volume and even worse I was singing at high volume. Not talking on the phone. THEN as I had uploaded a load of photos online I had had to charge my phone up. My car charger has a dodgy connection so it is a major feat of engineering to get it to stay in which involves wedging it in my cupholder and wrapping my headset so that it helps to hold it in. I told him all this and a bit more for good measure. I also even told him what song I was singing ( like a pill). I insisted he checked my call log, which he declined somewhat alarmed as I think he thought I was going to wrap my nice phone somewhere. He then said something that truly terrified me....he would lay down his word in court that I was lying ( this guy is protecting us from injustice and upholding the law?!)....would anyone notice me bundling him in the back of my van with a load of pumping dogs?

He said you were talking on the phone when you got out, by now I was mad enough to be wondering if I could shove his head in the bin liner that contained the bedding that Layla horny had wee'd on ( another little delightful tale I need to tell). I was actually talking away to Bobby whilst I dropped him home. I told him I was dropping a customer home and his eyes lit up....Are you aware Madame it is illegal to carry passengers in the middle of your van, I never saw a passenger on your front seat. My eyes widened, I pursed my lips, straightened up and said....not when those customers/ passengers woof. I am not sure whether the guy was starting to lose the will to live or whether he was ticking off all the things he could prosecute me for. We stood looking at each other and he asked the obvious question....what?

Bobby the passenger is actually a chocolate labrador and I am pretty certain it is not illegal to transport dogs in the middle of my van with or without a seat belt.

By now he was getting pedantic and asked me what I was doing at this lady's house then....Leah by now had parked up and was sorting poor Leo out, I said like Bobby I was dropping her dog off. Mmm nothing could be said about that so he repeated his favourite line, Are you aware Madame......this time it was to tell me I had abandoned my van! I was standing by my van phone still poised in my hand headset still firmly placed in my ears...visions of torture came to mind again. It is illegal to leave a vehicle with the engine running.

Oh pants I held my hands up ( I was getting quite demonstrative at this stage) and said I did not know that and I did it all the time so damn he had a point.

Slightly placated he said because he was a nice man he would leave it at that and I was to get on my way. So slightly deflated I jumped in the van...only I was still mad so I popped back out and knocked on his window....was it fear I saw in his eyes? Down his window came and he said ...Yes?

I just wanted to make sure you know I was NOT holding my phone in my hand and not talking to someone in the back but I would take the ticking off for the car abandonment issue and he simply shook his head and drove off. Grrrrrr.

After a quick chat with Leah just to try and convince her I wasn't a lunatic I toddled off seething at the injustice with the knowledge I now have a policeman who is likely to be hunting me down to catch me out for the foreseeable future!

That is what I get for chuckling at the idea of Leah being pulled by a policeman.