Wednesday, 13 October 2010

What they really mean

I have, over the years, come to realise you have to read into what people tell you.

I am currently looking after two ferrets, their mum was filling me in on all of the details about their needs when I asked if they bite. Now both are rescue ferrets so I knew she didn't have their full history. She hesitated before she said she didn't bite her. So I was very careful the first day to make sure I didn't unduly upset them and all was fine....until day two when Elize turned into ferocious ferret ran across he hutch and latched onto me. Stupid Nanny! Now I knew from Mums hesitation that it was likely they could bite. After sometime I did realise that ferocious ferret had no intention of letting go so I had to gently tap her on the nose with the poop scoop, I did chuckle at the look she gave me Indignant ferret indeed.

So here we go:

She does bite me means: she doesn't bite me anymore after I twonked her on the head but likely to bite anyone stupid enough to ignore ferrets have sharp teeth and are willing to use them.

My dog doesn't mind you coming in( big Airedale called Rebel): He doesn't mind you coming in but you just try leaving then you will realise just how a rather large terrier deals with impudence. WATCH YOUR BUM! Ah it doesn't hurt half as much when you stuff the terriers gob full of squeaky toy you bought for him.

Recall, urm he comes back( A deceivingly fast westie called Dylan): Of course he comes back but not before he has left you for broke, ran across five fields barking and cavorting with everything in his path before heading back to sniff at your feet, mind you not close enough for you to catch him just far enough away to make you feel like giving it all up and taking up a cleaners job in a lyposuction clinic. Of course he comes back to the owner cos he knows where he lives and just tootles back home when he feels ready. Yes I taught him to recall.

Can you give my cat his tablet cos she doesn't like taking them in her food: This actually means the vet once tried to pop the tablet down the said cats throat then had a quiet trip to A and E after having their finger pierced by a rancid cat tooth, face marked enough to put a shaman to shame and chin bitten firmly by a slightly hysterical cat. Yes I managed with the help of a pillpopper, welding gloves, a large towel and a cushion.

He's never really been near men apart from my hubby( a Great big blumin loony Dane called Harley): No he's never been near because he screams and lunges at them like a dog possessed which then makes any self respecting man run for the hills, that is why he has never been near. You know what I am going to say...Yes I managed to get him man tolerant but it took time, on one occasion he passed out (before we realised he had a condition that caused him to collapse with certain types of exercise) and I need help taking him back to the van, I didn't mention to the firemen who helped me that he may want to thank them physically for their generous help and thankfully by the time he came round( I gave him electrolytes) he was quite chilled at the receding male figures!

He is nearly housetrained( I am going to save peoples blushed with this one ): Of course he's not housetrained, so watch out if you sit down to have your tea cos if you don't share your food he will come over and pee on your unsuspecting dog, or heaven forbid you head up to bed and ask him to lie in his own because you will wake up to him peeing on you in your bed. Make sure you shut the toilet door! Oh and don't ever bend over. Urm didn't ever see him again after that one petsitting job, funny that...

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